studies vs. latinamerics

Lotten just left me, and the more I think about it, the more fucked upp I feel.
My brain is spinning around in 360 degrees, trying to figure out what to do the next coming year, and how to do it..
this time there arent 1000's of different ideas and plans, just 2 really strong wishes..

To start with ; I'm gonna miss Lotten so frickin' much!! to eat nice dinners, not alone..to make popcorn and put on a movie every night, and to sleep next to her..wow it sounds like we're a couple...maybe that's what I should get. a man..
well, i wish her all the best now she's going out in the world with her backpack, and only that. well a tent and a sleeping-bag too..in case she needs to borrow somebodys garden..just go wherever her feet takes her, and her heart tells her to..

Yesterday I worked at that blues-pub. It was better then I thought, eventhough most guests were 50 yearold men o seem to go there quite often, drinking about 15 beers, and letting us put it all on a bill for them, to pay later on.
The biggets problem for me right now is that it's impossible for me to get home, if I have to work later than 00.30, which is quite likely...I can't afford taking a taxi everytime

my other even more biggest problem is that I want to study so fucking much!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited, and i would love to start this autumn, as I got accepted and all. but as you all know, I really want to go to latinamerica, and I want to do it before I study..I want to stay for a couple of months starting fom december. I know latinamerica will always be where it is , but the reason I have to go now is:
1. because there is a taizé-meeting in chile which ALOT of my latin (and european) friends are going too, it would be a big opportunity for me to meet them all again..
2. I have many friends around latinamerica with whom I could stay with and who knows how the situation would be in 5 yeas after my studies...

also, after I've studied I don't have time to play around like that anymore. then I want to get started building up my and Lottens community & work hard...

so , what to do..start my studies, try to save money somehow, quit my studies after some months, and go travel? and try to keep on with the studies next year?


well, anyway, I had a kind-of-interview in a very modern & nice clothingshop yesterday, and I'm hoping I might get that!
maybe then, things'll clear up a bit. we'll see..

kisses & wondering